Thursday, October 24, 2013

FORGIVENESS - MY STORY



Talking of synchronicity, it is how this story you are about to read unfolds. In September 2013 my wife and me, flew to Sharjah to assist my son and family, as my daughter in law was expecting a child. In such matters, it is the lady of the house, whose services are most sought after, I was just an add on, helping the family with small house hold errands.

Under the circumstances, I had ample time on hand, so engrossed myself in reading. I was reading the Book ' Dying to be Me. My Journey from cancer....' by Anita Moorjani. During the course of my reading, I traveled to Dubai to spend a day with my niece Sarah Boriyawala. We started to discuss the Book, and talked about faith, prayers, NDE, faith and pranic healing, Chi Gong etc: Sarah is teaching Yoga to a selected few.

On account of a life threatening medical condition that she had, she is well read and has tried alternative medical therapy.

Talking of synchronicity, it was in Dubai on March 16, 2011 which also happened to be Anita's Birthday, that she received a surprise mail from Hay House, stating that they were willing to publish her book and provide all assistance and Wayne Dyer will be writing the Book Introduction.

Here in Dubai two years later, in my small little world, Sarah Boriyawala agreed to share her healing experience, and how FORGIVENESS and freeing your self from past hurts, helped her in complete healing.

Her Story in her own words. Hope her experience will help others to look at life threatening disease in a different perspective. The body has the capacity to heal its self, we have to learn to find the cause.  


It was the last week of November 2010. I was visiting my parents in Kolkata during the Eid Al Adha holidays. I had been suffering from arrhythmia for about a year now. I had consulted a Doctor,  when it had happened the first few times, but since the frequency was very low and all the ECG  and thyroid tests had come back normal,  he had put it down to stress and asked me not to be too hyper and calm down.

After that,  the next time I consulted  the Doctor,  was when the frequency had increased to almost once a week and I went to him on a day when it had been beating at an increased rate since 9am to 6pm. He did an ECG  and my heart was beating at 150 bpm. He told me it was SVT or supra-ventricular- tachycardia and gave me some medication to take for three days. Within the first day my heart rate was down to 40 bpm. He asked me to stop and take only half of the tablet if another episode should occur. He knew I was travelling and asked me to take expert advice there. 

Now on the very next day of arriving in Kolkatta I decided to consult a Specialist for second opinion. We went to BM Birla  Heart Research Center and Hospital,  where I got an attack right in the Doctor's  chamber. It was beating at 180bpm and he had me hospitalized right away. They administered  isoptin which brought the heart rate down right away.

 They did a couple of tests and here the beat seemed to be more of V- Tach i.e ventricular tachycardia which is way more serious. I was sent for an MRI which said I had Recurrent Ventricular tachycardia and ARVD.

 ARVD is arrhythmic right ventricular displasia. The only treatment for this is placing an ICD which is an implanted cardiac defibrillator which shocks the heart back into sinus beat every time it begins to throw out these extra beats. These beats do not allow the heart to complete the function of pumping the blood from one chamber to the other and finally to the lungs properly because of which proper oxygenated blood cannot reach the organs particularly the brain. This causes dizziness and blackouts and people suffer serious injuries due to falls that may take place due to a sudden blackout. I was asked not to cook as I could suddenly topple over the gas, not to drive, carry weights and I was to be monitored even when taking a shower in case I blacked out.

I was discharged with the advice that any recurrent attack should be treated by putting in an ICD. However, Dr. Haque who was the arrhythmia expert there was surprised to find that I was responding to only 120mg of Calaptin which is a very mild dosage so he asked me to see Dr. Yash Lokhandwala who is the second best in Asia in this field and based in Mumbai.

 As I was travelling  alone I decided to fly back to Dubai and consult the Mumbai Specialist later. The medicine was also working, and I was feeling fine. In Kolkata before leaving I did take two experts opinion, did the necessary tests, and both confirmed ARVD.  

Once back in Dubai I called my relative Dr. Aliasgar who was aware of my problem and read out the report to him. He was taken aback as he too had thought it was SVT  and thought an ablation would sort out the problem. He took the film of the MRI and sent it to a lab and got an expert opinion, which again confirmed it was ARVD.

 Now I had also started looking up the net for reports of this disease. It seemed allopathy had no cure for it. Many testimonies showed that even after putting an ICD people had to make many lifestyle changes and live very compromised lives. And after finding out that I should get to a hospital within 20 minutes of my heart beating in this manner or else there was a possibility of death really scared me.

Initially I was depressed and never ventured out of home. I was aware of my heart rate going up for a while now and again. It was at this juncture that I started seeking alternative medical treatment.  I would do yogic anulom-vilom breathing, I had a relative do reiki on me. I watched my diet. I was also reading books by various New Age masters, which taught me to enjoy the present moment and stop living in the constant fear of death. I found solace and peace but the threat to life was still there, at the back of my mind.

My moment finally came, when a  friend of mine who does pranic healing scanned me and put it down to a deep emotional hurt that had caused a scar in my heart and asked me to do forgive everybody who may have knowingly or unknowingly hurt me.

At the onset, it did surprise me, but as the saying goes - 'dubta ne tinka no saharo' under the condition I was, and having read many life changing books, I put firm faith in her advice.

I had read 'Dying to be Me ' by Anita Moorjani, and in response to one question as to what caused her cancer, this was her reply, which at the time resonated with me.

She said: ' I believe my cancer was related to my self identity, and it was though  it was my body's way of telling me that my soul was grieving for the loss of its own worth - of its identity. If I'd known the truth of who I actually am, I woud'nt have got cancer'

It made sense that may be, in my case as my friend had stated, some deep emotional hurt was the cause.

 Now I had  a pretty decent childhood and considered myself to be happily married. There was no deep trauma or abuse that I had suffered which could have caused this problem. But she insisted  that different people had different levels of sensitivity so though I may not have had any big traumatic issue maybe a lot of small small issues had gotten hold on me.

 And I did agree that I had a habit of bottling up my feelings. Now this bottled up feelings and emotions are the cause of many of today's life threatening disease. In trying to maintain status quo and in trying not to ruffle feathers in our day to day relations, and feeling of insecurity and our perceived notion of  not living  up to the expectations of our peers, are some of the prime causes.

On reflection I came to know that  I could not tolerate people being upset around me, and would always be the first to make up even if I felt I had been wronged. Not because I could forgive and forget but I could not bear with  the stressed out atmosphere.

So she asked me to basically  write the story of my life starting from as far as I could remember to the present day and while doing so to forgive whosoever had hurt me even if it was something as silly as my grade 2 friend for having taken my sweet from me !!

 I was to forgive the soul of each person seven times for every hurt and after that also if some incidents kept repeating themselves in my mind I was to forgive again 7 times. It was a whole process where I was to forgive saying that,  as humans they were bound to make mistakes as that is how they would learn and grow and with this understanding, I was to forgive and cut a cord through which holding on to this hurt was keeping me connected to them.

 I also asked for forgiveness from the souls of those whom I had hurt knowingly or unknowingly and made a resolve not to repeat those mistakes. I was also to forgive myself for any guilt that I may be feeling for those that I had hurt with the same understanding that being human we do make mistakes and must learn from them. That is how we evolve.

At the onset I found it very intimidating but my dear friend encouraged me and finally it  turned out to be quite a thick manuscript and I genuinely wrote all my deepest and darkest secrets in it.

 It was quite an emotional roller coaster and I cried quite a bit as I went about this therapy. At the end of it I felt emotionally cleansed and also,  in retrospect I saw a lot of  incidents in a different light now than as I had viewed them then as I was more mature now. When I wrote this I somehow thought that she will read it or give someone adept in her field to read it and probably advise me. But she just asked me to burn it and release all my hurt and allow the universe to now take care of it.

Around the time that I finished doing this, we planned to travel to Mumbai and got an appointment with  Dr Yash Lokhandwala.  As is the case in normal medical diagnosis,  as some time had elapsed, Dr. Lokhandwala, asked me to get a fresh MRI done. The MRI showed that I did not have ARVD.  He diagnosed me with a much more benign heart problem of RVOT.

 Which is right ventricular outflow tachycardia. There were two points which were throwing out the extra beats. He ablated one and on repeated attempts also could not find the other as the heart stopped throwing out the extra beats as soon as the first ablation was done. Because of that there is a small dosage of daily medication that I have to take. But since then I have been symptom free and my heart does not beat fast unless it has valid reason to do so. I lead a normal healthy life today  teaching yoga and travelling around the world. Both of which I enjoy immensely and both of which would have had to be considerably compromised if  I had ARVD.

Now whether it was a misdiagnosis in the first place, in all probability it could not have been, as several expert opinions all confirmed ARVD  or whether the forgiveness therapy genuinely healed me, I am not sure.ALLAH KNOWS BEST.

 But I do know that the events that unfolded ultimately lead me to a path from where I have learnt a lot and grown a lot. So I believe that whatever happens no matter how difficult and awful it seems ultimately happens to teach us and guide us so that we may live our best lives ultimately.

Sarah Boriyawala - Dubai 

19 comments:

sophie said...

Lovely post! I completely resonate with Sahah's views. Sometimes, our hidden traumas are burried under layers and layers of conditioning, and our conscious logical mind does not have the faintest notion of what is brewing underneath until it jolts us with a physical manifestation of a disease. Non- forgiving hurts us far more than the hurt inflicted on us by another. The release we feel when we forgive has a more far- reaching impact than all the medicines of the world.
I think all of this is life's way of teaching all the big big lessons which are never taught in schools and colleges.
I congratulate Sarah for her courage in sharing her story.
The bad things that happen to us in the course of life are actually blessings in disguise, and perhaps they are our destiny so that we may evolve into better human beings.
Sophie

Ankur said...


Nice,
Thanks for your great informations, working in, URDUTAHZEEB, ASIAN AFFAIRS.

Try to post best informations like this always


Asgar Fakhrudin said...

Five Healing affirmations ( healyourlife.com)

My healthy thoughts create my healthy body
Healing happens
My body is always doing its best to create perfect health
I am the only person who has control over my eating habits.
Filling my mind with pleasant thoughts is the quickest road to health

Hussein Ankleshvaria said...

Nice post !!!

Bhen Sarah, Do you give coaching for yoga ? My wife is desperately looking for a LADY yoga teacher in Dubai. Doc have told her to strictly reduce weight to overcome many health concerns.
Best Regards,
Husain

Husain Shakir said...

A big Thank you. It reminds us again what we take for granted. Teachings of our Rasulullah SAW and Ameerul mumineen. Perhaps this will instill in us the yakeen that what they teach us has it benefits here and in the hereafter, regardless of our capacity to understand it.

MIND MINTS said...

Bhai Hussein,
with regard to your wife's medical condition, Bhen Sarah has recommended that you send detail medical report to the following mail I/D
devaki@pratimoksha.com
It is a professional Yoga and Healing Center in Dubai. Wishing your wife speedy complete recovery.

Anonymous said...

Excellent post and Thank you very much.

My best friend is in same scenario…lot of people have hurt him and now he suffering from a disease not curable but controllable. May be he needs to forgive all of them…

Durriya Dhuliawala said...

a very encouraging message sometimes we do feel that our heart is over burdened but reading ur article will surely help

Durriya Dhuliawala said...

thanks for such encouraging msg it will surely show way of peace to many

MIND MINTS said...

Had received a comment from an Anonymous but got deleted inadvertently. ( not the actual words, but as it is important, I thought it fit to share. )
The comment was as follows :

One of my friend is suffering of very severe disease and it is as a result of many hurts that he has suffered. He should forgive all those who have hurt him.

My comment is : Yes indeed that will greatly help, forgiving all, recalling all the hurt and cutting the cord, as suggested by Bhen Sarah.

But one more important thing is that he should also forgive himself. No human being is perfect, every one carries a baggage, so he should first forgive himself, love himself.

MIND MINTS said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Thank you behen Sarah for sharing your story with us. I totally agree with you. I myself am currently in training in ayangear yoga teaching. Having suffered childhood trauma myself I too became quite ill. When I practice yoga I do all my forgiving on the mat. It's amazing just how much healing happens just through breath. However as I am quite a pious kind of person I also do a lot of crying and asking for my own forgiveness in sujjud. I feel as a born mumenat I am lucky to have this extra strength and knowledge through our beloved rightful spiritual leaders. We mumineen really are something else. Amate Syedna Tahera

Anonymous said...

Thanks Sarah for sharing your story. I too believe in forgiviness but What if someone does It repeatedly and keeps hurting you, how can you forgive such person.

MIND MINTS said...

To reply to your query the only thing to be done is to keep forgiving the person concerned.
If the person causing the hurt is a friend or colleague you can cut back on your contact with that person. But what do you do if it is your spouse, parent, child or close relative.
You have to realize that there is a reason this person is in your life. Nothing occurs accidently or as a coincidence. As Robin Sharma says your life is a custom made learning lesson for you so that you may grow and evolve to be the best that you can. If you are having an experience in this moment then whether you like it or not it is exactly what you need to have to grow and evolve. If you learn your lesson you move on if not similar instances will repeat themselves and get more and more painful till you realize what it is that you have to learn.

This person is only an instrument through whom you are experiencing this hurt. The person ofcourse always has the choice to choose to be that instrument. Like we say -for every good that happens to you -it was always intended for you and the person doing it is just an instrument,

Because for every good deed done you are blessed with sawab and negative deeds are gunah. We have been continuously hearing in Vaaz about ' kisasaat na umoor' . Which means every person carries a baggage with him, which does not mean, you have to be harsh on your self, you have to accept the fact, first love yourself to be human, become stoic and face the challenges of life head on.

Know this much, if that person chooses not to hurt you that hurt will find its way in some other form. Cause as you sow so you reap. This is a Universal Truth and there is no means of escaping from it. Acceptance is the right choice.

If you hold resentment and anger against this person and mentally criticize him/her you bind a negative energy which grows inside you, the ego likes it that way, it finds it's nourishment in it.

Instead if you forgive and forget and consider is to be a means through which you are cleansing yourself of the past baggage, forgiving the person , thinking it as
'tamhees ' ( cleansing ) manji nakhvoo in ordinary terms, you will be in control of your life, and not the person who is hurting you.

You are the winner in this game of life. You have defeated the one who is trying to control you. Imam Hussain's shadaat is a glowing example. On the day of Ashura it apparently appears that Yezid ( la) had won, but was it so. No never. The one who was out to cause immense harm and hurt, was the one who was defeated.

Also our thoughts create a vibration which attract similar vibrations so if you stop sending negative vibes eventually that person will also stop reacting to them in a negative way.

Just give it a try and witness the power of FORGIVNESS.


An onion has several layers on it consider every hurt to be the opening up of a layer. This mindset will make it easier to face up to a lot of difficult life situations. This will help you focus on a solution rather than on the person or the situation that is the cause of the hurt.

And when you take complete responsibility for what happens to you or accept it as the will of God who is doing it to bring out the best in you, then you are no longer dependant on somebody else to stop feeling that hurt.

Also as Eckhart Tolle says the soul is always peaceful. It is the ego that feels the hurt. What is it that your ego wants from this person- Love, appreciation, acceptance.

If we let go of all our expectations we will be free from hurt. Do whatever it is that you have to do without any ulterior motive or expectation. As they say- Neki kar dariya mein daal.

Your life is an echo of your thoughts and wishes for others. So think good and do good.
As they say your thoughts become your words- words becom actions- actions become your character and your character becomes your destiny.

( Bhen Sarah's reply thru e mail. Edited with some of my thoughts included)

Anonymous said...

Thankx sarah for ur story....i too believe in forgiving ppl...but somehow i fail to forget wht they did with me....and i take it like a lesson maybe...maybe i say as sometimes i ask myself isnt forgiving mean forgetting???? but than tat pain is always there it keeps hurting me always..

Anonymous said...

thankx for ur story sarah.....i too believe in forgiving ppl and i do forgive them also....but what i cant do is forget what the did with me....i do take it as a lesson learnt....but it causes a lots of pain within me....it hurts always....i always keep telling myself forgiving is forgetting.....but for me why does forgiving not mean forgetting also.....why cant i cut the cords like u have done....why does it all come back to me....why cant i free myself of the pain when i have already forgiving and normalized my behavior with tat person....

sophie said...

Forgive and forget is easier said than done. We may verbally repeat aloud and internally that we have forgiven the person who hurt us and the term ' cutting the cord' and moving along with our life, may be easy for some, but definitely not for every one. I would say it would be better to revisit our feelings of anger, hurt or resentment and whip them up a little bit so that we become aware of how it affects our body parts. Some people feel a wrenching feeling in their solar plexis, i.e. their stomach area, some people feel it in their chest ( tightening feeling), some may feel it in their throat
(dryness), some may feel their ears tingling. Just be aware of what ever is happening at the physical level and acknowledge it. Observe it with detachment and curiosity like a scientist. You will be pleasantly surprised after a while, that it passes away. Accepting and acknowledging it is a better way to deal with it than resisting it and not wanting it and suppressing it.
Once you are through with this exercise, go a step further, and send love to this person. Wish him the very best in life, wish his family well,wish him health and prosperity. If you have that persons's picture, look at it and say, I love you, I thank you and You came into my life with the express purpose of making me evolve into a better person. Say thank you from the bottom of your heart. Do this three times a day, just the way we take medicines 3 times a day, with regularity. I know, I know, it sounds like a tall order, but trust me it works! It did for me!

MIND MINTS said...

Well done Sarah!
It takes strength and courage to go within to look for answers and then work on our own growth. Because that is why we are here. To learn, to evolve and in the process, help others on their journey too. It was inspiring to read about your experience.

Today, even people of science are buying into the whole mind-body connection. Many cases, similar to yours, have been responsible for such development in the area of functional wellness.
I applaud you for sharing your experience with us in the hope that it will give us that nudge towards creating better lives for ourselves too.

Being able to forgive those that have wronged us is crucial to releasing unwanted baggage. I read here about someone saying they are able to forgive but cannot forget.
This is my perspective on it.
When you forgive, you don’t necessarily need to forget what was done. That lesson has come for a reason and if you have to erase it, well, what use was it? So it is ok if you cannot forget, don’t force yourself to. But if the memory of what happened brings any sort of pain or other negative emotion, then you have not forgiven and have some more work to be done in that area.

Sometimes we rush to forgive even before we have dealt with the anger that we are feeling. We feel forced because of the perceived pressure on us around this whole concept of ‘forgiveness’ and how it is important for our well-being, etc.
Here is where techniques mentioned in this blog and many others will help us release the emotional blocks which settle in to our physical bodies as pain and diseases.

I also agree with Ms. Sophie’s comment about sending love, prayer, etc to the person that has done wrong by you. Our lessons come through people and we need to develop a sense of gratitude for that as they help us become the person we are meant to be.
Can you imagine a life without any pain, problems or learnings?
A boring, straight flat road to nowhere.
While being grateful to someone that has really hurt us is easier said than done, all it requires is the first baby step. The willingness to heal and let go. One step at a time, one day at a time.
Gratitude releases us from the clutches of our self-inflicted misery.

Prayer has immense power. Use it. And just like bathing, pray every day.

Cord cutting is effective, no doubt. Do it as often as you have negative emotion connected to the person the cord is being cut from.

I find the white light healing and protection technique to be equally beneficial.

Thanks once again Sarah, for being brave enough to share your deeper experiences.
Perrin Abbas

MIND MINTS said...

Here are two of the techniques I teach my clients. I am confident if practiced regularly, you will benefit greatly. Some clients report results within a week.

1: White Light Healing and Protection – Sit on a chair with your back straight, feet firmly on the ground and palms on your thighs facing upwards. Make sure you will not be disturbed for 5-10 minutes. You can play some soft, instrumental music to relax you. Close your eyes, take a deep breath, hold it for 2 seconds, and exhale through your mouth. Do this a few times until you feel your body becoming heavier. Now visualize a big ball of shimmering white light right above your head. See the light from it come down through your head and into your body. Let the light reach your solar plexus (the area 4-5 inches above your navel). Visualize the light and let it remain there for as long as possible. Then slowly expand that light and see it becoming bigger. Let it expand few inches out of your body so that you are now surrounded by that light as if in a bubble. Stay here as long as you can. Affirm: “I am safe and secure and only positive energy gets in to this bubble”.
This technique, if done regularly, will cleanse your body and aura of negative energies making you feel lighter and calmer. But remember, we encounter different kinds of people and their energies every day. Energy is even emitted from TV and the kind of shows/news we watch. So just like you brush your teeth and bathe every day, your energy needs cleaning and protection every day too. I recommend this technique twice a day. Once when you wake up and again before you sleep.

2: Gratitude List – Every night before you sleep, write down 5 things you were grateful for that particular day. It could be as small as finding a good parking spot. Find something new every day. Soon you will develop an Attitude of Gratitude and this will make you actually look for things to be grateful for. This goes a long way in helping you see things in a different light which in turn helps you release negativity.
I work with clients helping them unblock their energies and create a better life for themselves. I believe that happier lives are a result of happier mind sets. In order to Progress Outward, one has to Journey Inward.
Warm regards,
Perrin Abbas – Holistic Healing Coach
Journey Inward, Progress Outward